Being authentic in the workplace is harder for women and people of colour, who feel that they need to confirm to some mythical ideal of leadership or act in ways that are not innate in order to succeed.

The challenge

Let’s face it, the modern workplace has been shaped by the Western standard of business and administration, in which the dominant image of a leader is an extroverted, well-educated, older white man. Naming this is often one of the first tasks in my work with people who don’t tend to think of themselves of leaders even when they’ve been successful. It allows people to exhale, releases energy and vitality, and opens up all kinds of possibilities.

You really don’t have to be a SPOM (stale, pale, old white male) to be an extraordinary leader. Not only that, but your leadership success and through you, our societal transformation, depends on you not being this. Instead, the more you are able to be truly your self and lead in ways that are both authentic and needed in the moment, the more you will be able to succeed in creating change.

But is this the only challenge for women?

You already know the answer to this. No. Gender bias in organisations and in society is real and exists in a multiplicity of forms that range from the subtle (women having to be “nice” or “nurturing”, lack of appreciation) to the overt (exclusion from key meetings/gatherings, harassment). There is a lot of research and evidence on this now, including in industries traditionally dominated by women. There also continues to be a lack of trust in women leaders, particularly in times of economic crisis.

On top of this is the degree of misogyny and prejuduce pervasive in society. In addition to all the assumptions, biases and expectations we face, we also have to counteract years of cultural and social conditioning. Messages from childhood that have often said: it’s not ok to be who you are in this world, you can never succeed as a women, you must put other’s needs and wants first, … Add to this the double or triple whammy of having multiple minority identities, and you begin to get a sense of the inner and outer minefields.

Unsurprisingly, there’s a sense that we can’t win by being ourselves. Frankly, perhaps we can’t win full stop. The deck is just too stacked against us. It’s a wonder that we even try!

The call

But try we do. For many of us the call to be more of who we are, to make a difference this world, to fulfil our potential is too strong to ignore. And the call is getting louder and stronger as our current systems breakdown, and the illusion of “the end of history” falls away.

The path

While men have experienced their share of conditioning and socialising, they are more likely to have been brought up to believe that they are natural leaders, that they are entitled to lead—a message that is reinforced by the role models they see around them everywhere they look. So they tend to lead with greater innate confidence and entitlement than women, regardless of whether they are knowledgeable, experienced or qualified enough for the positions they are in. And this becomes a self-fulfilling and cycle repeating prophecy. In short, the path to leadership is well-worn for men and thus a little easier to fall into. (I’m generalising of course. I know there are men that are different—some of them are clients, a few are favourite clients who inspire me with their thoughtfulness and reflective capacity.)

For men, the path to authentic leadership is often as Bill George and others describe. For men, it is often about reigning back on personal priorities in order to connect and care more for others and the world beyond their immediate sphere of concern.The Leadership Institute puts it powerfully in this table, and this shift for men correlates with a shift up the ladder of consciousness or spiral of development. Part of the shift many men need to make is from an over focus on goals to larger purpose, from self-interest to a values based approach and the larger interest or common good, from ego and head to heart, from accumulation (and exploitation) to cultivating long-term relationships and potential, and from power-based and hierarchical approaches to self-discipline and self-organising.

The starting point for women is different. Women are more likely to be on the left side of the table already, but not necessarily in the most healthy way. Having been brought up to support, to serve, to take care of others, to make sure everyone else's needs are met, we’ve learned to hide away some of the most brilliant parts of ourselves in order to be safe, to meet others expectations of who and what we should be, to be caring, to be liked, to please etc.

Women are more likely to meet Bill George’s description of authentic leaders: “Authentic leaders genuinely desire to serve others through their leadership. They are more interested in empowering the people they lead to make a difference than they are in power, money, or prestige for themselves. They are as guided by qualities of the heart, by passion and compassion, as they are by qualities of the mind”. For many women, these elements of authentic leadership are a given. They have long been focused on service to others and to society, often at the expense of themselves. Their core challenge is not in shifting from an over focus on self or results or from personal achievement to higher purpose, it is in shifting from an over focus on service to others at expense of self and to a balanced, integrated, wise way of being that optimises innate masculine and feminine leadership capacities.

Women need to reconnect to their vital essence and energy, and to learn to lead and create from a place of innate strength and knowing. In short, women need to embrace and express their true power.

For women, it may require reigning back care for others for a while in order to be able to care for ourselves so that we can more sustainably and effectively care for others, our communities and the world. And this tends to require overcoming fears and beliefs that it is selfish to prioritise self-care, that we only matter if we are loving and giving, that we are safe playing the “good girl”, that we’ll lose respect if we speak our truth…

The catalyst

It takes time, effort and energy to overcome all the inner and outer conditioning that stops us from being wholly ourselves. In my work with mission-driven women leaders, I have found that there comes a time where women are called to this path. If we haven’t listened to the gentler calls, we are forced to pay attention by a moment of crisis, a leadership crucible, a health challenge, the unmistakable effects of burnout, a near death experience… We ignore it at our peril. When we find the courage and motivation to begin the journey of returning to our essential self, reconnecting with to our deeper purpose, and reassessing our priorities so that we can live and lead with more wholeness, more truth, and more true power, we learn to bring more of our innate strengths and capabilities to bear and see the effects on ourselves and those around us.

The reward

We start to understand how being true to ourselves also serves the world. We recognise that by becoming more whole and taking care of our own needs, we are able to be effective in the world and be of greater service. We learn that going within and being full present leads to greater peace, joy and fulfilment while also bringing awareness, insights and inspiration that informs how we lead in the world. We learn to lead from a place of centeredness and groundedness, without having to hide or diminish ourselves or adapt ourselves to accommodate others and see and feels the effects of this on ourselves and those around us. In short, we become the wise, compassionate leaders that we already are.

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Note: We need authentic leaders of all genders of course. Being authentic is a non-trivial challenge for us all. What is shared in the journey, is that we all have to come back to the self to be able to go beyond the self in a way that is truly powerful, enlivening and sustainable at a personal and a larger level. Perhaps we can help each other, by being kinder to each other, giving each other more grace and space to grow while in process, supporting each other in whatever ways we can for the sake of a better world in which all can be truer to themselves and more able to fulfil their individual and our collective potential.